There are many decisions in life that some consider brave, such as skydiving, rock climbing, or bungee jumping, but I personally believe that the bravest decision a human being can make in life is marriage. Here are some reasons why I respect any soul who jumps into the “I do” situation:
1. Divorce rates seem to be approaching the 50% mark these days, so you’re truly living on the edge with this gamble.
2. All of the people I’ve met in life (including friends and family) are divorced or were divorced at some point…OR come from a divorced family. Think about it.
3. I can barely take care of myself, so I can’t imagine taking care of someone else for the next few decades….. (Well at least I admit it)
4. People getting married realize that they will lose all sense of fashion or even get dressed by their spouse.
5. Getting married means you often start shopping at places you would not regularly be seen dead in and you say really stupid stuff like “oh, that’s our favorite restaurant”.
6. You now have to answer to someone else when you want to go anywhere or see your friends or do anything at all. WHAT IS THAT?
7. You have another routine on top of the normal routine that you have worked all your pointless life to master.
8. Forever is a long time. (Use your imagination on this one)
In Summary: Good luck. But seriously kids, as sarcastic as it comes across, I do wish you the best. You are the bravest person on the planet if you get married, so never forget that.
Are you sick of being average and always fitting in with the rest of this boring society? Try these tips on for size the next time you’re in public and you’ll be sure to start getting some attention….finally. Oh, and it’s only funny if you do these things with a serious face as if there is nothing wrong.
1. Wear tighty whitey underwear on the outside of your pants (I don’t mean just guys, girls too)
2. When strolling down the street, put a dog harness on a wild rabbit & walk it around town. (make sure you have a dead serious face of course)
3. When pumping gas, jump on the hood of your car and start doing the robot while simultaneously yelling out the amount of gallons that you’ve paid for.
4. When your co-workers ask you a question, just respond by hissing back at them like a cat.
5. Wear a giant watch on your forehead with a sticker of your face on it.
Fear has always been a natural part of life and obviously one of our most important survival tools, but I’ve noticed a ridiculous amount of time and energy being put into illusions of safety vs. actual safety. By illusions of safety I mean the silly superstitions, nonsense habits, phobias, and meaningless routines that several of us go through in order to feel secure about our daily lives; when in reality we consciously open ourselves up to disaster in many other areas of our lives.
Take for example the increasing group of people who fuss about needing a trash can next to public bathroom doors. (So that they can bring a paper towel to touch the door handle upon exiting) This makes perfect sense right? You would not want to touch a filthy bathroom door with your bare hands. Who would?
But don’t forget that the same people who freak out about touching a door handle, will gladly handle things like money, car doors, shopping carts, chairs, books, computers, and the list goes on and on. This just seems very hypocritical to me, and an outright waste of time. And don’t think I need a lesson on O.C.D., because I do have my stupid habits as well…But I digress. As most of you already know, one of the items we touch most often is money, and money happens to be one of the filthiest items around. Actually, in most cases, money is much filthier than any public bathroom door. So why not bust out the paper towels when you are paying for a meal? Oh, all the sudden you don’t need a buffer when it comes to money? I for one have yet to see anyone hand money to a cashier with a napkin, but I’m still young.
So my point is this, why settle on this illusion of safety? Why waste the time, energy, money, and especially the emotion whining over such hassles like opening a door without a napkin? The truth is that we are usually only fooling ourselves, not the germs or the “fears”. We are ALWAYS at risk and there is no such thing as a perfect situation when it comes to safety or germs. Not to say we should not take precautions, but where has our common sense gone?
Now the only question left is this: How’s your fear working out for you?
I just had a great script idea, a total money maker for you Hollywood producers. Instead of “Sex in the City”, how about a show called “Abstinence in the Countryside”? And instead of hip, fashionable, affluent city girls who crave for sex, it’s just average, boring, unfashionable girls who have nothing to do all day (and no one to do either).
Seriously do you think this would fly? Not edgy enough? Think it over a a bit. There seems to be no other original ideas on the table, so maybe we can do a power lunch and talk numbers….
Every day I realize how money owns me. 95% of the things I do are directly as a result of money. It makes me say or do things that I would not naturally say or do. It makes me want things that I honestly really do not care about. And it makes me value a future that I do not necessarily need or really desire in my heart. It makes me pursue careers or talents that I really don’t have any care for. Now the reality is that this is just life, but it is an interesting reality. All these years I thought that money was obtainable, but the truth is that we are obtainable for money, and we will say or do just about anything to please it.
I think it’s pretty funny that we actually believe our accomplishments and salaries actually mean anything. We are in fact pretty insignificant and forget that we can lose things in the blink of an eye. And without the concept of compassion and giving, we are truly NOTHING. If it were not for family, friends, loved ones, or even strangers around us who constantly give us something whether it be time, money, assistance, advice, etc… we would literally have and be nothing. Life is not all about talents, status, cash flow, fashion, or how well you can do things, but is more about how much we are willing to GIVE to others. Especially when are so blessed ourselves. Wake up.
What’s this obsession Hollywood has with writing British accents into every “accurately” portrayed or “historic-epic” movie? It seems like one acclaimed block buster after another is taken dead serious as being close to real events when in fact they should be looked at as a complete joke. Films like Alexander, Troy, Gladiator, 300, just to name a few, are perfect examples of this nonsense. Come on! We are supposed to believe that because the main character is speaking in some cool British accent that it has historical relevence and is legitimate to the story? It’s ridiculous. I know it is just a movie, but people turn around and say that it is so “true to life” as if that’s how it was? And I didn’t even mention how insane it is that the characters in these films are speaking English in the first place. How historically accurate is that? Or is it that we are too lazy to read subtitles and must pretend that the Romans spoke perfect English..oh and in a British accent? Who the hell makes this stuff up? I am not buying it people.
And why do they feel the need to always summarize years of complex historical events within a few cool italic lines of text? These are cute talking points, but come on now. What the hell is this? Are you kidding me? Has the audience really becoming this ignorant to throw awards at this garbage? It’s a comedy, not a serious film. What’s next? Are they going to do a film set in ancient Japan, but have all the Samurai’s speaking english? Wait….it’s already been done.
Everyone jokes around about the infamous “comb over” as if it is globally accepted as a ridiculous style, so I’ve never figured out how so many guys can wear this hairstyle with a straight face. I have to give it to them, they have much more guts than I do. I am usually the first to say that we should not be concerned with our appearance so much, but when it comes to the comb over…come on! Give it up. If or when I do lose my hair on top, I pray that I will be wise enough just to simply shave my damn head and not put people through the punishment of seeing some slicked over scraps of hair in my last attempt of denial. And why do people who have this hairstyle think it looks acceptable? Will someone please tell me? Why would you leave hair on the side at all? It looks like a clown. Ri-diculous. As far as I’m concerned, the comb over goes in the same category with the bolo tie and parachute pants. Time to stop the insanity. If you know anyone with a comb over, tell them what time it is.
Below is an entertaining video on these absurd comb over fiends.
Posted by egoassassin 
Posted by egoassassin 
Fear has always been a natural part of life and obviously one of our most important survival tools, but I’ve noticed a ridiculous amount of time and energy being put into illusions of safety vs. actual safety. By illusions of safety I mean the silly superstitions, nonsense habits, phobias, and meaningless routines that several of us go through in order to feel secure about our daily lives; when in reality we consciously open ourselves up to disaster in many other areas of our lives.
Posted by egoassassin 
I just had a great script idea, a total money maker for you Hollywood producers. Instead of “Sex in the City”, how about a show called “Abstinence in the Countryside”? And instead of hip, fashionable, affluent city girls who crave for sex, it’s just average, boring, unfashionable girls who have nothing to do all day (and no one to do either).
What’s this obsession Hollywood has with writing British accents into every “accurately” portrayed or “historic-epic” movie? It seems like one acclaimed block buster after another is taken dead serious as being close to real events when in fact they should be looked at as a complete joke. Films like Alexander, Troy, Gladiator, 300, just to name a few, are perfect examples of this nonsense. Come on! We are supposed to believe that because the main character is speaking in some cool British accent that it has historical relevence and is legitimate to the story? It’s ridiculous. I know it is just a movie, but people turn around and say that it is so “true to life” as if that’s how it was? And I didn’t even mention how insane it is that the characters in these films are speaking English in the first place. How historically accurate is that? Or is it that we are too lazy to read subtitles and must pretend that the Romans spoke perfect English..oh and in a British accent? Who the hell makes this stuff up? I am not buying it people.
Everyone jokes around about the infamous “comb over” as if it is globally accepted as a ridiculous style, so I’ve never figured out how so many guys can wear this hairstyle with a straight face. I have to give it to them, they have much more guts than I do. I am usually the first to say that we should not be concerned with our appearance so much, but when it comes to the comb over…come on! Give it up. If or when I do lose my hair on top, I pray that I will be wise enough just to simply shave my damn head and not put people through the punishment of seeing some slicked over scraps of hair in my last attempt of denial. And why do people who have this hairstyle think it looks acceptable? Will someone please tell me? Why would you leave hair on the side at all? It looks like a clown. Ri-diculous. As far as I’m concerned, the comb over goes in the same category with the bolo tie and parachute pants. Time to stop the insanity. If you know anyone with a comb over, tell them what time it is.
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